Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
