I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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