You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I think my moral compass just broke
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
