I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
