The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
