hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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