Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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