I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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