college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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