I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
