you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
