Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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