she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
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No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
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You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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