I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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