Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
