I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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