Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
