So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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