God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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