youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
This is classic penis vs brain.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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