Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Randomize
