he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize