i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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