He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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