that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
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