Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize