having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
