i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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