No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
