So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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