Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
