Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
