If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
