Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
