I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
no you cant smoke seaweed
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
