Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
