their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
