apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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