Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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