How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
