Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
