And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
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I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
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I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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