Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
