i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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