"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
