Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
