i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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