Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
