when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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