i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
