my soul wont recognize me after tonight
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
