she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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