a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
