I didn't shave. On purpose
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
