I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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