...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize