I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
