Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize