you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Why can't burritos get me drunk
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
