Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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