Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You can't special order awesome
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
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He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
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Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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