i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
