Your face is a jimmy john
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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