woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
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