omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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