i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
This baby is an asshole
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
