My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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