You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
