i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
