I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
