Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Operation Purity has been aborted
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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